In an ideal world, Aston Villa fans would know which of their players would be finding new clubs come June. But this is no ideal world, this is Villa world, a land in which "Players of the Year" vanish without a trace and Alan Hutton is considered a prime purchase.

So, without a coherent system in which to predict the players whom it's safe to get emblazoned on the back of a half-price Nike kit, we're going to play a little game called Aston Villa Survivor: The Holte End. The rules are simple: players are divided into two tribes, and each tribe will face a series of challenges. However, seeing as the club does not permit me to talk with the players (I have no idea why that might be) we here at 7500 will serve as the Tribal Council, determining who is eliminated each week.

Players' survival tools include a football, corner flag, bandages, press microphone, yellow card, red card, and goal net. Physical combat that goes beyond the rules of the game will result in immediate expulsion.

For Round 1, immunity will be given to the tribe who scores the most goals against Liverpool. Next week, we'll vote off a member of the losing tribe. Should neither tribe manage to score, we will eliminate a player from each.

The Ellis Tribe

Emile Heskey

Stephen Warnock

Alan Hutton

Darren Bent

James Collins

Richard Dunne

Charles N'Zogbia

Eric Lichaj

The Trinity Tribe

Gabby Agbonlahor

Barry Bannan

Marc Albrighton

Gary Gardner

Carlos Cuellar

Ciaran Clark

Stephen Ireland

Andreas Weimann

Place your bets now!